Good Blogs Make Me Happy.

So, as you most likely don't know, I have been on painful quest to find a new (at least to me) blog that will bring giggles to my mouth, on this website. 

After weeks of excruciating "next blog" clicks, and viewing thousands of deceitful blogs, about the joy of parenting, raising a family, or just in general "happiness" that happens every god-damn day from having kids, (because nothing bad ever happens, with out some cute little moral ending right? Plus, babies make me nervous.) or blogs about being a wife, old, and sometimes both, I found something not just readable, but absolutely new guilty pleasure worthy, because really, it is not...."nice". (Which is exactly why I like it.) So, her (It's either a woman, or a gay guy.... some references confuse me so I can't tell.... sorry.) new blogs completely lost me, because I had not read previous blogs. So, as any person with no life would do, I looked at past blogs which were amazing. 

While, even with my lack of a life, I have not read all of her stuff, just a few, at random. So far, my favorite is a three-way-tie between "Sweeping Generalizations", "Joe and Duke", and "Leaving London". (Although I felt guilty as hell for reading it for about two hours-- it was like I had stolen a glance into someone's soul.)

Her blog is called slutever...

(The ellipsis is included.)

She is British.

Also, she is epic.

That is all for now.

Excruciatingly Happy Parents Shouldn't Always Be So.

If I see one more blog about some parents "family (aka there kids) I am going to scream.

I know you have a family. I know you are proud. I know you love them a lot. I know they make up most of your life. I am happy for you. But don't you ever think of anything else? Ever? Don't you want your recreation activity to involve something besides what you think about all day?

I can't help but think some of these people are bullshiting us. No one is always that happy with there family (children). You always love them, but that can be very different from happiness.(The same goes with spouses.) I mean if you were going to write a truthful blog, wouldn't you write the good and the bad? No sugar coating?

All these painfully happy people, who are always painfully happy make me think they are about to O.D. on Zoloft. 

Dear Mr. Anonymous,

Dear Who Ever gave my email away to various websites, 

       I have tried desperately to stay away from anything that would result in reviving unwanted spam, like so many of my friends. I never put my email address in surveys. I  never threw it out online. I never even really shopped online. I had been very successful in keeping my email mostly clean of random uselessness, that took time out of my day digging though, to find emails that mattered for 3 and a half years. 

But, for some unknown reason, you deiced to throw it out for every unrelated to me, seaming address. Like why would I need a penis enlarger? I don't have one, and I'm not dating anyone (or have a sex-life to speak of). Even if I was and I had to buy him one, I would go to a ligament store. Those items are not things to buy online. I would also like to know why do I need free day care for single moms who go to collage. While I am single, I am not in collage. Also, I do not have any children that I know of, and I'm pretty sure I would know of something like that. But what is most confusing is that Asian to Asian dating sites. Last time I counted there were 15 different sites asking me to join. In case you don't know, Mr.Anonymous, I have mostly Irish and Cherokee heritage, mixed with the rest of Europe, so I think they would notice something was amiss. 

Well, whoever you are I am sorry for what ever I did to piss you off this much. I am quiet understandably livid with you now. It takes me an half hour to get to one email that matters now. 

I will get you for this.

Sincerely,

Lizz

Average Lizz talk?

My hair is curly now. Since I'm assuming whoever (anyone?) is reading this doesn't know, my hair was about mid-back, and while I was in New York, I cut 6 inches off, so now it is epically curly instead of godzilla poofy. (Although if you brush out the curls out it was worse then before.) Also, I have this gel stuff that can kinda give me wavy-ish hair when I get tired of my curls. I'm digging it. 

On another note, I want to write a novel, but I am incapable of writing an outline. Also, it seems any story I start begins good, but after about 3 (or less) pages it begins sucking, so I don't think I can. Perhaps if I hear some epic names I will be inspired? 

Also, I am addicted to the song Hollywood by Cute Is What We Am For, but 25 to life my Eminem is also explainably amazing. 

Here is a confession for you: I love Nat King Cole, and I don't know why. Maybe it is because in my mind he was a player with class? (Ever notice  he never uses names in his songs?) Or it could easily it is his soothing voice? Or it's just something I could never find in this time period? Who knows.

Has anyone heard of  A Static Lullaby? I have one of there songs, but are they one of those bands with only one good song? I hate that. I usually get so excited when I find a new song I like, and then go and download a bunch of that artist, but then the rest of there songs suck. 

Are there any other bands/singers I should be aware of?

Did I just give you too much to think about?

Bullshit..... ?

I am romantically impaired. Not that I am not loving, or affectation, (I am extremely affectionate towards friends.) I am just painfully slow in the ways of "love". (romantic of course.)

To keep my embarrassment to a minimum, lets just say I haven't even "stepped up to bat". No boyfriends. I'm 16. 

I believe I have a theory for my romance-handicappedness. I'm not what you would call.... romance friendly. In fact, I am one of the most negative (at least about myself) people you could meet (about that topic.) 

I'm not up front with it. It's not like I walk up to every guy I meet and say, "I think most romantic relationships are a wast of time, and cause too much god damn pain. So I'm not even going to try to find "the one". (which I also think is bullshit, because out of the billions of people on earth, and you have to locate "the one"?" , Bullshitttttt. There will always be someone more compatible for you out there for you.) but I think I send out scary vibes or negative vibes, or what ever the fuck else you want to call them, hence the reason guys seem to fear me. 

It could also be there are scared of my... bold, upfront personality?

...Or they could just be shallow bastards who don't want anything to do with me since I'm not "hot". (Don't get me wrong, I'm not ugly, but I consider myself... lower on looks scale. Especially when I'm with my friends. But what ever.)

Also, I need another word for romance. It killed me to use it this many times. 

Can you use the quixotic for me in a sentence? I think I know how to use it, but I don't want to be the idiot who epicly fails at using it, and then has to go back and explain shit...

I'm done with this topic. 

I think I'm going to go eat an apple.

No more nonsense. Got it?

Being a man is taking care of business, being trustful, being honest, and has plenty of acceptances for people, while having a penis. 

Being a woman is taking care of business, being trustful, being honest, and has plenty of acceptances for people, while having a vagina. 

Masculine and feminine traits have nothing to do with it.

Argument over.

Toilets Should Not Be Mobile.

I have found a new, demonic torture. It's the flying bathroom.


So, instead of being a normal person, and telling you about how epically fun my New York trip was, and what I did, I won't.

I will tell you of the bathroom(s?) from hell.


As a general rule, I hate mobile bathrooms. If you are on a greyhound bus, everyone can hear you peeing, and you better be praying that the driver doesn't slam on the breaks because if they do, the flimsy little lock with fly open, and you will be flung, bare-assed, in to the aisle. Train bathrooms are awkward because the creepiest guy always sits by the bathroom door -- plus I am always paranoid that I will miss my stop, no matter how far away it is. Mobile home bathrooms make me nervous (only while in motion). But out of all on the go potty rooms, planes are the worse.

 So, here is my experience -- be warned, this story is neither graceful, or refined. So, my first flight ever, was 7 plus hours red-eye flight. (that is what you call an all-night flight right?) Needless to say, I had to handle.... things. So, 2 am some anonymous-state-in-the-middle-of-the-USA time, I warned down the aisle of sleeping people, to the bathroom of hell. I then have to play ring around the rosey with a pissed off stewardess. (maybe she had to pee too?)   Then, after I get... situated, and 4 plus hours of a smooth flight, we hit turbulence, which sends me flying forward the whole 2 inches to the door, and smashed my head against the door. Apparently my skull clashing with a flimsy plastic door is a terrifying thing because the stewardess came banging on the door, practically yelling, "are you alright?!??!", and when my response wasn't immediate, she began yelling it, and did not stop, even though I assured her multiple times I was fine, and did not need her help, (I can't believe she asked me that) in till I had washed my hands and came out. Awesome right? So, if you forgot, the entire plane was asleep. Needless to say I received livid glares from half the plane on the shameful walk back.

On the way back, I was not graced by a barmy stewardess, but I was gifted with the fact that someone peed on the wall. (width wise.) In case you don't know, airplane bathrooms are about 15 inches width and length.(which is with the toilet and sink)

I must say if you are a guy, I  hate you on long plane rides for the sole reason of peeing is much easier for you.