Dear Mr. Anonymous,

Dear Who Ever gave my email away to various websites, 

       I have tried desperately to stay away from anything that would result in reviving unwanted spam, like so many of my friends. I never put my email address in surveys. I  never threw it out online. I never even really shopped online. I had been very successful in keeping my email mostly clean of random uselessness, that took time out of my day digging though, to find emails that mattered for 3 and a half years. 

But, for some unknown reason, you deiced to throw it out for every unrelated to me, seaming address. Like why would I need a penis enlarger? I don't have one, and I'm not dating anyone (or have a sex-life to speak of). Even if I was and I had to buy him one, I would go to a ligament store. Those items are not things to buy online. I would also like to know why do I need free day care for single moms who go to collage. While I am single, I am not in collage. Also, I do not have any children that I know of, and I'm pretty sure I would know of something like that. But what is most confusing is that Asian to Asian dating sites. Last time I counted there were 15 different sites asking me to join. In case you don't know, Mr.Anonymous, I have mostly Irish and Cherokee heritage, mixed with the rest of Europe, so I think they would notice something was amiss. 

Well, whoever you are I am sorry for what ever I did to piss you off this much. I am quiet understandably livid with you now. It takes me an half hour to get to one email that matters now. 

I will get you for this.

Sincerely,

Lizz